Girls who lack fathers are always searching for that male replacement. A figure to hold on to that shows them what its like to feel protected and loved. Often times, girls seek so hard to find that missing love that … Continue reading
The moment when my mom learned how to text was the moment when I realized that there was no way from me getting from under her thumbs. I remember receiving one of the first texts from her: “Wh$er! R U!?)()!!! Gt Hom@!”
My mom had just had surgery on her foot and it was summer and she was confined to some sort of contraption and was not able to walk for a few weeks. I had taken her car to go out. It was past curfew, and I was taking advantage of the situation by just ignoring her calls and coming up with some story in my head to tell her once I got home. I hated answering her phone calls because I knew she was going to chew me out and her voice would be heard and embarrass me. When I opened her message, it was like receiving Molly Weasley’s Howler. She had gotten me.
I came home immediately. She was waiting on me in the den. I thought I could just sneak into my room, but that spitfire was waiting on me in the dark den and turned the lamp on when I “snuck” in. Startled.. I looked at her in the eye about to come up with a sputter of lies and she said “I see you got my text.”
She then gave this lecture about how she had on her down time she had figured out this whole texting thing and although very shaky.. She was figured it out because she was tired of me ignoring her calls and she wanted to remind me that she still ran the show.
My mom figured out a way to reach me when she knew I had been ignoring her and she got her message across and I came home.
Daily I find myself ignoring God, and each day He figures out a way to deliver the message and remind me of my purpose here on this earth is not about me, but about serving him until it’s time to come home.
Lately, me and God have been wrestling. I have been battling with my insecurities and letting them get the best of me and lack motivation. I find myself being selfish and wanting and desiring things that I honestly don’t need. I find myself wishing I were something or someone else and not realizing I need to appreciate my purpose on earth and that it is not about me.
These messages are consistently presented to me by God everyday. I have to continue to not ignore these messages and be receptive and then that’s when everything will fall into place.
Are you ignoring the messages?
It’s amazing how alone one can feel even when surrounded with the ones you love.
At times even all the accolades and praises just won’t fight the void that’s missing to fulfill that dark place.
You can be looking at family and friends but some how feel that there is a glass wall about 10 feet thick that’s separating you from their world and you can’t seem to make them understand what’s going on in yours.
This feeling has increasingly overcome me as I continue with my day to day agenda. I have fallen into a place where I feel like I am speaking a different language and I feel lost.
It’s hard to be there for others, when you can’t be there for yourself. I am the type of person that is constantly being energized by the presence of others. However, people have only to drain me lately.
I am starting to realize as I am trying to climb out of this place I am in, that I am slowly figuring out who I am and who I want to become. I have found myself consistently reflecting on messages from others and experiences around me. I have allowed for people to paint me in what they want their idea of me to be, but I’m slowly stripping their paint and creating my own masterpiece.
Even though right now, it is currently difficult, I know that this too shall pass. Preparation for the continued journey.
Right now I am currently reached a mountain… As I continue to climb it.. In need of a valley, I am thankful for this mountain.
At times like these I am reminded of where I have come from, but that it’s not going to be easy to get where I’m going.
Wounded, bruised, battled, scarred, but all that matters is that you continue the race.