Y’all, Funerals suck. My grandmother was buried yesterday. She is at peace. I know that she is in a better place. I have yet to properly grieve. I have wept silently to myself. I have thought about what her mansion … Continue reading
I’ve been known to take my coffee the way I like my men: Strong. Milk. Extra sugar. Hold the coffee. That has always caused a reaction from all the barristas giving their opinion on how my coffee should be. Growing … Continue reading
It’s amazing how alone one can feel even when surrounded with the ones you love.
At times even all the accolades and praises just won’t fight the void that’s missing to fulfill that dark place.
You can be looking at family and friends but some how feel that there is a glass wall about 10 feet thick that’s separating you from their world and you can’t seem to make them understand what’s going on in yours.
This feeling has increasingly overcome me as I continue with my day to day agenda. I have fallen into a place where I feel like I am speaking a different language and I feel lost.
It’s hard to be there for others, when you can’t be there for yourself. I am the type of person that is constantly being energized by the presence of others. However, people have only to drain me lately.
I am starting to realize as I am trying to climb out of this place I am in, that I am slowly figuring out who I am and who I want to become. I have found myself consistently reflecting on messages from others and experiences around me. I have allowed for people to paint me in what they want their idea of me to be, but I’m slowly stripping their paint and creating my own masterpiece.
Even though right now, it is currently difficult, I know that this too shall pass. Preparation for the continued journey.
Right now I am currently reached a mountain… As I continue to climb it.. In need of a valley, I am thankful for this mountain.
At times like these I am reminded of where I have come from, but that it’s not going to be easy to get where I’m going.
Wounded, bruised, battled, scarred, but all that matters is that you continue the race.
I am a victim of mind control. Who isn’t? We have all been brainwashed by some sort of variable in society, and its not necessarily negative. However sometimes it is negative, and its something that is hard to shake. I have recently graduated from college, and I have beat a lot of odds in doing that. I have also beat so many other odds by graduating being an african-american female and not pregnant or with child.. (can I get a hand clap??) This has all been done through mind control. I have lived these days in the back of my head thinking… I have to do well, because I have a family I don’t want to disappoint and a life and a future I want to build for myself. However, as I have graduated from college… I was asked the question if I could do it all over again.. would I? I froze.. I thought back on my times at college and realized that although some of the best days of my life, they were often some of the loneliest and dreadful days as well. However, I also learned in college that I have the flaw of being easily influenced and guided…or misguided by others. Reflecting on college days, I wonder what would happen if some of the decisions I made or actions that I performed were for me or due to the influence of others, either negative or positive. I realize that I can sit and dwell on these moments or I can realize what I want for myself and move on from there. I have found it very hard to realize what I want for me but I am thankful for the positive influences to help me get where I am today.
i guess what I am really trying to say is, don’t let your mind be controlled by the wants and desires that others have for you. Do what makes you happy and find your passion and work hard to achieve your goals. As my friend Samantha always says “Live YOUR best life..”
#thoughtsareout Continue reading