Looking out over Jordan

I just finished my first semester of graduate school. Jackson State was a huge change for me. I somehow managed to survive…barely. I have learned a lot about myself since August.

In August, I am going to be honest, I had this attitude that grad school was going to be a pleasant walk in the park. I just knew that I was going to ace all of my tests, make new friends, and that this was going to be a breeze…. All I can say is LO—–L.

This semester not only tested my stamina, but it also tested my will to want and achieve, my confidence, and my security. This semester I also feel that I was taught to humble myself.

I found myself many nights as I was trying to contemplate what assignment to start on, what should I put first–work or school, or when I was up to my eyeballs in stress quoting “All night and all day.. a band of angels are watching over me…” Then those nights where tears filled my face, when obstacles seemed too big to work through.. “Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.” And you guys, I weeped. There were sometimes my anger and frustration got  the best of me and I would sometimes lose sight of my goals.

This semester, I had some very dark days, some very dark nights. I was constantly battling myself, always hard on myself and putting myself on some of the highest standards that not even Shaq could touch.

I have learned too, that I must watch my tongue. Words hurt, I have been hurt by words, but I have also found that my tongue has spit out the nastiest of venoms that I have watched rip people to pieces. The insecurities of myself I let overpower me.

I am not sitting here and saying that I have solved all of my problems in 3 months, I am not saying that the demons in my head have been laid to rest. I still have a ways to go.

I am thankful for this semester. I was able to identify things that potentially set me back. I am looking forward to next semester. I am trying to stay positive. I count it all on joy and I am thankful for those many angels.